In the aftermath of the pandemic, a unique challenge has emerged among children who have grown accustomed to constant success and instant gratification. A summer camp experience highlights this issue, revealing how parents' well-intentioned actions during lockdowns inadvertently fostered entitlement. This article explores the psychology behind this phenomenon and offers insights into teaching children resilience and frustration tolerance.

The Summer Camp Conundrum: Learning How to Lose

During one post-pandemic summer, a high-end camp faced an unexpected challenge: children throwing tantrums over minor setbacks like losing board games or being "out" in tag. The situation escalated to the point where a child psychologist was brought in to address the issue. She explained that during the lockdowns, many parents allowed their children to win consistently, leading them to feel entitled to always coming out on top.

This pattern of behavior became particularly evident when children encountered any form of failure. Instead of learning to cope with disappointment, they reacted with extreme frustration. The psychologist pointed out that these children had not developed the necessary skills to manage their emotions effectively. Parents, often exhausted from juggling multiple responsibilities, inadvertently reinforced this behavior by ensuring immediate success whenever frustration arose. As a result, children grew up believing that winning was their right, rather than something to be earned through effort and perseverance.

Entitlement Unveiled: The Root Cause and Solutions

Dr. Becky, a renowned clinical psychologist, shed light on the concept of entitlement, defining it as the fear of frustration. She explained that entitlement stems from repeated experiences of feeling frustrated followed by someone else stepping in to provide immediate success. This cycle teaches children to avoid frustration at all costs, fearing its consequences without developing effective coping mechanisms.

A case study involving a 16-year-old boy illustrates this point. The teenager threw a tantrum in an airport bathroom upon learning he wouldn't be flying first class. Dr. Becky noted that despite being a generally nice kid, his behavior was a result of patterns established during childhood. Whenever he felt frustrated, there was always a quick solution provided by adults, preventing him from learning how to handle such feelings independently. By age 16, he lacked the skills to manage frustration better than a toddler. Dr. Becky emphasized the importance of teaching children to tolerate frustration rather than shielding them from it. This approach equips them with essential life skills that promote resilience and emotional intelligence, setting them up for long-term success.